Photography by Alamy
Where breakfast is concerned, we think if a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing properly. Before you switch on the gas under your frying pan, read our ‘Full English Breakfast Rules’, which, if not actually enshrined in law, are certainly on the side of right.
1. Lard not butter for cooking sausages, please. It has a higher smoke point than butter so it achieves a crispier sausage without burning. It’s also high in Vitamin D. Who knew? Practically a health food. Vegetarians and vegans are permitted to use vegetable oil.
2. A word about food-pairing: mushrooms should be eaten with sausages; bacon should be eaten with grilled tomato. Don’t ask us why; it’s just the rules.
3. Hash browns have no place in a Full English (ignore the photo above!). Save them for your American breakfasts of pancakes that are a bit too thick and mis-monikered jams. If you need a bit of beige crunch it can be achieved by the addition of fried bread, the English Hash Brown. Fried potatoes are permitted if they are already cooked and left over from last night’s dinner.
4. Beans should be served in a separate ramekin. It’s not about being fancy, it’s just about not mixing your yolk and your bean juice (or frantically chasing your beans round the plate with your fork until 11am).
5. Brown sauce is the best sauce. Tomato is acceptable. Anything else really belongs with another meal.
6. You should include one, and no more than one, fancy extra. Black pudding for meat eaters perhaps? Grilled halloumi for vegetarians? But don’t stray too far from the original or before you know it you’ll be chopping smoked salmon and chives into your eggs, and then where will we be?
7. Speaking of eggs… Obviously fried is best, sunny side up, with a yolk that spills all over the plate as you cut into it. Other types of eggs are available, but fried is really where it’s at.
8. Stay trad with your drinks. Orange juice or a good strong cup of tea, please. Absolutely no fancy milky coffees - we are not here for smashed avocado on sourdough type breakfasts.
9. Toast should be served in a toast rack alongside your Full English (yes, as well as fried bread) to enable you to move seamlessly into toast and marmalade for ‘breakfast pudding’ from the same plate. Use your first piece of toast to mop up egg yolk and bacon fat as a sort of palate and plate cleanser before moving on to the marmalade or jam toast course. Toast plates are for wimps anyway. And you’ll save on the washing up.
10. Finish with a(nother) cup of tea and the crossword if possible.
In our February issue, we look at the history of breakfast from cereals and grapefruit to fry-ups and fancier fare. Turn to page 84 to read more.
Buy this month's The Simple Things - buy, download or subscribe
