Find your inner (and maybe even your outer) mermaid with our guide to living the life aquatic
In our August issue, we meet a ‘real, live’ mermaid (St Ives resident Laura Evans) and we were inspired to be a bit more mermaid ourselves.
Here are a few tips and tricks to help you be more mermaid in your everyday life.
Find familiarity with the sea
Start by investing in an almanac so you know when the tide times are. No point sitting, combing your hair on a rock if you’re going to be stranded there and have someone offer you a Cornetto when you start to look a bit hot. You need to be on a rock with the spray splashing around you so that you can dive off before any embarrassing Cornetto moments arise.
Sing sailors to their deaths
No, it’s not ‘nice’ but it must be done when one is a mermaid. And if you sound anything like us in the shower in the mornings you shouldn’t have any trouble luring folk to their deaths at the sound of your singing.
Build up an air of mystery
Because obviously, if you are a mermaid living on dry land, you are living an amazing, secret double life, so mystery should come easily to you. If it doesn’t, try staring off into the middle distance in a manner of someone hoping to see France from the Isle of Wight.
Have good hair
An egg wash will definitely give it shine, but a sprinkling of sand or the odd shell weaved into your locks will go even further towards creating the illusion of a sea-faring life.
Use waterproof make-up
Mascara is a particular giveaway of a landlubbing life, when it’s running down your cheeks leaving black rivulets behind it.
Feign misunderstanding of the ways of ‘normal’ folk
Look with curiosity upon life jackets. Ponder the umbrella with complete miscomprehension. And - a must - stare at shoes with a complete lack of understanding. If forced to walk, try to keep your ankles together or flail on the sand on your belly as if you’d never seen a leg in your life.
Be low key
Go for an ‘undone’ look, with hair down, make up (and clothes, to be honest) minimal, and keep a wild look in your eyes.
Take a mermaid name.
You could go pure seaside with Ariel or Coralia, or you could go a bit more mystical.
Have scallop shells for bra cups
But know when discomfort becomes too much and have something nice and non-wired to slip into when you get home and slide onto the sofa.
Eschew talcum powder at all costs
You’re meant to stay wet, you know? Defy the chafe!
