Debate | winning wafer biscuits

 
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Caramel wafer.JPG

Pink wafer or Tunnocks caramel? Which is the King of the Scottish wafer biscuits?

Our June Miscellany page features some of our most loved biscuits and there was some heated discussion among The Simple Things’ team about which biscuit was best. So we decided the only fair way to settle it was in a head-to-head debate. We’ve pitted two Scottish champions against each other: the pink wafer biscuit and the Tunnocks wafer. Below you can read the (very serious) debates on both sides, and then do cast your vote, on our blog or on our Facebook or Instagram feeds so we can crown one or other the winner. Now it’s over to the biscuits…

The Pink Wafer

Originally created by Crawfords in Edinburgh and latterly by United Biscuits, the pink wafer is a children’s party staple and a secret favourite among adults, too. Who could resist that lighter-than-air first bite and the way the leaves of wafer melt biddably into your mouth? 

Built from layers of dyed pink wafer (because it’s nice to make an effort isn’t it?) interlaced with vanilla cream, the pink wafer looks as attractive as it tastes delicately sweet. Chunky, clumpy biscuits (we’re looking at you, Tunnocks) might be satisfying but they’re nothing to look at are they? The pink wafer, meanwhile, brings colour, fine texture and, might we say, a little glamour to a plated array of digestives, Malted Milks and the like. They are the biscuit one can rely on to ‘lift’ the rest of the plate. 

So delicate are they, it has often been argued they are more of a cake. Pish and fie is what we say to this; the wafer is a recognised subset of biscuits and what’s more, it fulfils the brief well. If we wanted something chewy, we would buy a flapjack. If we wanted something chocolatey we’d visit a sweetshop instead. Wafer biscuits should be crips, meltingly delicate and light, and the pink wafer ticks every box. This house believes wafers should be wafers. 


The Tunnocks Caramel Wafer

When we reach for a biscuit, we don’t want some mimsy bit of confectionery that you could inhale without noticing, we want something filling, something substantial, something that can be dunked briefly in a cup of tea without fear of biscuit decomposition. 

If that’s what you demand from your biscuits too then the Tunnocks caramel wafer is the only wafer biscuit to consider. Another Scottish invention (St Andrew’s University has its own Tunnocks Caramel Wafer Appreciation Society - and so it should), it’s been proudly displayed in its geometric gold and red wrapping since 1956. 

The bar is made up of five layers of wafer, with four layers of caramel between, wrapped in a thin layer of chocolate. And that’s where it has the edge over the pink wafer. If they’d only thought to dip them in chocolate, pink wafers would not get nearly so stale and slightly soggy as they occasionally do. Not so the Tunnocks. 

Secondly, the addition of the sticky caramel gives the Tunnocks a far superior, more architectural make-up. The layers of caramel are chewy enough to bond the wafer successfully so you don’t end up with a lapful of crumbs and it also gives your jaws a bit of a work-out. Because we all know that the best store cupboard treats make your mouth hurt just a little (see also Pickled Onion Monster Munch and Twiglets).

In conclusion, where the pink wafer is an amuse bouche (and amusing it may be) the Tunnocks Caramel Wafer is practically a meal. We rest our case.

These biscuits are the work of Charlotte Farmer. You can buy her artwork at charlottefarmer1.etsy.com or follow her on Instagram, @lottiefarmer7 . You can see more of her biscuit illustrations in our June issue.

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Places to go: Pier review

Who doesn’t love a pier? We’ve found the best around Britain for every sort of seasidey day out


Herne Bay Pier by Rob Ball

Herne Bay Pier by Rob Ball

Who doesn’t love a pier? We’ve found the best around Britain for every sort of seasidey day out

Piers for pleasure are a uniquely British thing, which is a surprise really. Why wouldn’t anyone want to be able to head out into the sea without getting their hair wet, after all? We’ve selected a few of our favourites from around the country, each celebrated for its own particular pleasures.


Best for a good stroll

You don’t want to take a long walk of a short pier, do you? So head to Southend, which is Britain’s longest pier at 2,156m long. Quite a whopper. Sir John Betjeman, founder of The National Piers Society once said ‘The pier is Southend. Southend is the pier.’

Best for train travel

Many piers have a small railway on them. If it wasn’t nailed down the Victorians put a train track on it, of course. But Hythe Pier is home to Britain’s oldest continuously operating narrow gauge pier railway and has services every half an hour. You can take the train to the ferry service from the end of the pier that crosses Southampton Channel to Southampton.

Best for foodies

You won’t go hungry on Llandudno pier. It has a stall selling freshly baked pies, others selling smoked oysters and muscles, a branch of the Great British Cheese Company and a traditional sweet shop. You can wash it all down with a pint of craft beer from the Pier Bar.

Best for fishing

Deal Pier is apparently a prime spot for landing mackerel, as well as pollack, sole, garfish and mullet in the summer months. Best spots are the lower deck at the south and north corners and the upper deck between the second and third shelters, facing towards Dover. Fact fans: Deal is also Britain’s ‘youngest’ pier.

Best for thrill and spills

Bournemouth Pier has a pier-to-beach zip-line, so you can play at being the Milk Tray Man, and its old theatre now houses activities for adrenaline junkies, such as climbing walls, an aerial assault course and a vertical drop slide. Wheeeeeeeee!

Best for old-fashioned fun

Blackpool’s North Pier is one of the most iconic of all and a trip here is like stepping back in time. Fish and chips, fortune tellers, traditional sweets and carousels… We can almost hear strains of ‘Oh I do like to be Beside the Seaside’.

Best for a brush with wildlife

Fort William Town Pier, on the west coast of Scotland is home to the fabulous Crannog Restaurant. It used to be a bait shed but you can now sit and enjoy some of the best and freshest fish you’ll ever taste and then take a cruise from the pier down Loch Linnhe where you’ll often spot common and grey seals, porpoises and sometimes golden eagles.

Best for completely bonkers entertainment

Southwold Pier is a lovely day out but its best bit is the Under the Pier Show, a room full of homemade penny slot machines created by Tim Hunkin, a writer, cartoonist and engineer. Try, if you dare, the Autofrisk, where a pair of inflated rubber gloves give you the experience of being frisked. Or hop on Walk The Dog, a treadmill with a life-size fake dog and screens simulating both your view and the dog’s view of the walk - watch out for the sudden increase in speed when the dog spies a cat! And don’t miss Fly Drive, a simulator in which you are a fly and have to gorge on as much sugar as you can before being swatted. Utterly mad and total genius.


Find out more about British piers at The National Piers Society. And in our June issue, we have more of the stunning pictures (above) from Funland by Rob Ball (Hoxton Mini Press), a celebration of British coastal communities and their architecture in pictures.

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More from our June issue…

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