It’s almost time to pack up your pencil case and head back to school for the new term. But which school is the right fit for you? Take a trip through your childhood bookshelves with our back to school quiz and find out where you’re packing your cases for.
1. How do you feel about academia?
a. It’s important to do your best, but far more important to be a well-rounded, solid young woman; the sort your school can be proud of.
b. Skool is wet and weedy. And thus only for wets and weeds. Generally I manadge to bish it up sumhow.
c. I enjoyed the Latin I did with Father. But my governess says, that while a little culture is important, becoming a home-maker is what really counts. I’m hoping to apply myself a little more to my needlework this term.
d. I went to the local comp and it was fine but I always felt something was ‘missing’ that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. What I need is a little more guidance from the adults in my life.
e. I try my best. It just always seems to go wrong somehow.
2. How do you wear your school uniform?
a. Properly and with pride, naturally! I always feel a swell od satisfaction when I look at myself in the mirror in my smart tunic and boater.
b. At a rakish angel, as eny fule kno.
c. Oh, I’m never out of it. It’s jolly attractive, you know. The deep blue really sets off my eyes, and the crimson honeycombing at the waist and white revers on the shoulder give it some lovely detailing. I think a good uniform is so important.
d. There’s a lot of clobber and it tends to get rather a battering but there’s nothing an invisibility cloak won’t cover up.
e. I never look quite right in it. My socks are usually falling down around my ankles and my boot laces trailing. My hat is usually either lost or bashed in on one side.
3. What’s your ideal school dinner?
a. Not a word to matron, but obviously it’s a midnight feast! Tins of Carnation milk, sardines and perhaps even some chocolate if someone’s folks have been down for exeat weekend.
b. Is ther indeed eny such thing? I hav lookd on in horror as the skool dinner lady serves up the peece of cod that passeth understanding and been ever after grateful to receev a simple skool sossige (assuming the rotten skool dog hav not already ate i)t and a spotted dick and custard.
c. Sunday breakfasts are a firm favourite with me: get up late at nine, and then tuck into coffee with rolls and honey.
d. Anything that’s followed by treacle tart. Magic!
e. Tea, crumpets and butter, taken in front of the fire.
4. What’s your strongest memory of school?
a. The words of my head teacher will always stay with me and I try to put them into use every day: “You’ll get a lot out of school. See that you put a lot back.”
b. My torture at the hands of the skool bully, Graber, captane of evry sports team, winner of the Miss Joyful Prize for raffia work and all round cad and bounder, is sumthing that will remane with me.
c. Golly, there was so much drama, I could scarcely say. Some poor girl was almost always succumbing to tuberculosis or getting caught in an avalanche and having a scrape with death. And we once had a spy in the school during the war. That was jolly exciting.
d. I had a couple of run-ins with an arch nemesis that definitely stick in the mind.
e. Being turned into a frog.
5. What do you want to be when you grow up?
a. I know my folks would be rather pleased if I married a doctor like my father but I loved school so much, I think I’d like to be a teacher.
b. Anything that gets me out of this skool, which is a bit of a shambles, as you can see. In fact, sumthing as far away as possible, so perhaps a career in space. Sumthing in a rocket that go ‘ur ur whoosh’ and fly me up to the moon, from were I may look down on skool and all the clot-faced wets therein and larf.
c. I’d like to go back to England and go up to Oxford, which would make Mummy terribly proud, but if not, I shall probably study at one of the art needlework schools and start a family. I’m not sure there’s much in between is there?
d. I’m keeping an open mind. I’d just like to follow my destiny really.
e. Something working with animals. They understand me better than people.
Answers
Add up the number of As, Bs, Cs etc to find our which is your Spirit Boarding School
Mostly As: Lacrosse sticks at the ready: you’re off to Malory Towers. Hurrah!
Mostly Bs: CAVE! CAVE! It’s the beak: you’re off to St Custard’s with Molesworth and co.
Mostly Cs: Lummy, don’t forget your snow shoes: you’re off to the Chalet School.
Mostly Ds: Lumos! Don’t be late for the Hogwarts Express. You’re going to wizarding school!
Mostly Es: Drat! You’re off to Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches. Let’s hope you’re not the Worst Witch there.
If that has got you feeling nostalgic for more books you once owned, don’t miss our Looking Back feature on children’s fiction in our September issue.
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